Alexandra
by han-t
Summary: sex, drugs, and magic, wot else do you want!
1. Default Chapter

I don't know if this posted the first time? I cant find the damn thing :o) I hope you will do me a big favour and read and review it. Like it? Mail me and ill continue.  
  
Here we go, my first fanfic(sorry if it's a bit on the long side, I write in novel format, but it has some good bits in it, its worth the wait!! I hope) * * (oh, note. James in this part of story not nice James Potter, I just like the name James:o) * * Chapter One  
  
The train that brought her closer to her destination trundled on, through the barren marshlands of the south east, over rivers through small hamlets, everyone completely unaware to the danger that they may face. Their lives so simple, fulfilling, quiet. Opposite to hers, her brown hair dropped in front of her eyes, it had once been thick, and bright, but through years of abuse, and being tied tightly back it had grown limp, but its sandy colour remained, and its wavy structure. Her face, pale as it was showed a thirst for life, her lips were a soft red, her cheeks flushed due to the warm summer day. She had small but strong features, the fact that mostly every bone in her face had either been broken, dislocated or both did not show, the work of either a wondrous doctor, or magic. Her eyes were closed as she slept throughout the journey; something she clearly didn't have much chance to do was shown by the black rings under her eyelashes. Her strong and slender figure was hidden underneath a light black cloak, dusted with flecks of silver.  
  
The journey continued, now through larger suburbs, rows of houses joined together formed a delicate intertwining pattern of red brick and mortar, smoke came from the chimneys and added to the thick fog that hung over the town, the train passed over a viaduct, the mucky water beneath, added to the hot day, caused an almighty stench that drifted through the town. The large industrial town give way to the city, to the sky scrapes that seemed to reach out for the very clouds that hung so gently in the air, to reach for the birds that flew past in their shimmering formations, as they twisted into impossible shapes that they seemed to be join together like a black silk cloth, but untwined themselves with the least effort and flew on. The streets were alive with life, business men rushed from meeting to meeting, women walked from shop to shop, throughout the streets, dragging small children who did not come with as much ease as their mothers would've liked to prepare for there new year at school.  
  
The train dived into a dark tunnel, the noise of the train deflected back off the thick stone walls causing an all mighty noise, but still our lady sleeps through. The train burst back into the light, only to be engulfed again by the dappled light of the station.  
  
The train eased to a halt just as the large clock struck nine at Kings Cross station. A flood of passengers trying to leave the train nearly caused a war re-enactment as they tore at each other to exit the train, bags hitting against anyone in their near vicinity as if they were disgruntled themselves at being so treated by their owners, after much jostling and a half a dozen near brawls the train was cleared of all but one, still sleeping contently in her chair.  
  
"Miss? Errrrrrrrr Miss!" said a man of small stature shaking her awake, his thick set face flushed red. He began to shake her a bit harder, only for our lady's hand to shoot out and twist it behind his back, causing him to shout out in pain, and what he later told his friends 'surprise'.  
  
Her bright grey eyes, were alive, her muscles tense, only to start apologising at the sight of her pray.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry! Really didn't mean to do that, errrrrrrrr, I...stressed out!" she released his grip, he immediately took his hand away, and held it close to him, in fear of the act being repeated.  
  
"Kings Cross Miss, unless you would like to pay for your ticket again, you need to get off!" he announced with up most contempt.  
  
"thank you" she said lightly with a small wiry smile, tacking off her black cloak to reveal a perfectly fitting white shirt and black jeans, she folded up her cloak and stuffed it into her small shoulder bag and stood up, her stature was a mix between tall and medium, she was, to the normal eye, nothing special "I'll be on my way now. Sorry for any inconvenience. I would suggest that you take your wrist to your doctor"  
  
"I don't think that'll be necessary Miss" he said with a slight smile, although his wrist was now the size of a small balloon, and continuing to swell.  
  
She stepped lightly off the train, she was clear about what she had to do, she had made up her mind of that! But it still didn't stop her from being scared out of her wits about it.  
  
Leaving the beautiful form of Kings Cross, she passed a small group of children, pushing large cases towards the station, each with an owl perched on top of it, a regular occurrence at this time of year, so regular in fact, that no-one seemed to notice it any more. A slight smile passed her face as she saw this, her memories coming back to her. The only time in her life that she had been happy, truly happy.  
  
As she moved on into London the streets became quieter, the drone of London traffic fading behind her, the small alleyways she followed, were well tread despite their location, she massaged her hands nervously in front of her. She headed towards a forgotten telephone box, the rusty iron frame showing its age, flecks of red paint fell off into her hand as she swung the door open, and let it close slowly behind her. Taking in one last breath she took up the receiver and placed a small blue glass disk into the slot and, vanished. The receiver now dangling on the cord levitated and went silently back in its place.  
  
She came out from a small brass door, a copy to that on the phone box, into a huge room, the ornate ceilings reach up into the sky, it had the resemblance of a church, the ceiling had beautiful gold stars on a blue background in between the huge wooden beams, the stars danced through each section at there own pace, some even disappeared completely until emerging at the other end. The solid marble floors echoed a thousand footsteps, the place was full of life, but not just that of humans, beats, creatures from every part of the magical kingdom weaved in and out. This had once caused our lady to be awed by it, but now, it disgusted her, everything about it was fake, it was all an act, an act to make sure that the real problem was never noticed, that the problem lay dormant to those who did not need to know.  
  
"You're not dead then?" said the satirical voice of an elderly man at a near by desk, his thinning hair combed back and flattened on top of his head, viewing her through thin oblong glasses.  
  
"Clearly not, by some miracle it appears I'm alive! I'm sure you're glad of it, unlike many others." She answered him with a hint of sarcasm, and a fake defiant look.  
  
The man laughed lightly "what do you want any way? I thought you didn't do office work?"  
  
"Is the lord of the universe around here anywhere?" she laughed  
  
"Office" he murmured "in a lovely mood as usual"  
  
"Thanks" she smiled and headed on towards the stairs, walking confidently, 'if he's in a bad mood already, I'm hardly going to make it any worse' she thought to her self 'still might kill me though' as she thought this she smiled, and walked up the huge stairway until she reach a gilt door, two bronze phoenix's perched on top of sand stone stands guarded the door, their ruby eyes shinning in the candle light.  
  
Resting her hand against the door, she felt the cold penetrate her skin, the metal underneath taking her heat, then, with a sudden movement she pushed hard against the door, its huge shape was twice the size of her, it swung gently open, into a small anti room, the red walls, were beautiful in the candle light, the only object in the room was a grand oak desk, covered in paper, letters, messages, an old type writer, and according to the person who owned it, the best thing bloody muggels have ever done. The owner herself was seated in a wooden chair. Her blond ringlets fell down about her face, framing it gently, her bright blue eyes smiled to see her friend enter the room. She stood up, her green gown rustled as she walked towards her.  
  
"Please god tell me it's your turn to do this now, I've been here a month!" announced her friend. "No action, no nothing!"  
  
"Sorry Emily, just walk out, like he'll notice. I don't see why we have to take turns doing this anyway"  
  
"Now Alexandra, you know as well as me, its our duty!" she said mockingly "its not as if these papers are confidential, well...that one is, I think this one is" pointing to papers as she talked "and this! This is his weekly shopping; I'm not a bloody slave!"  
  
"Sorry" she said trying to stop herself from laughing "He's in then?"  
  
"Course he's bloody in otherwise I wouldn't be here! What do you want him for, or does he want you?" she inclined her head and winked at her friend "apparently you back together?"  
  
Alexandra blushed, then scowled at Emily "Yes were back together, not for long cause he's an idiot, and I'm leaving! Well that felt good" she laughed "You're what?" she said with some astonishment "You can't! You've been an auror for, well, since you came out of school!"  
  
"You can't say you want to stay when it's like what it is Emily, its corrupt, the ministry isn't worth anything any more, it gains no respect! It's not worth it"  
  
"It isn't that bad" said her friend sincerely. "Plus where else have you got to go?" "I've got a job, a new one. I can't tell you where" Emily pouted at her, Alexandra hated when she did that, she always told her everything "I can't women! Now stop looking at me like that, ill write to you"  
  
"You're going soon then?"  
  
"Eleven and ill be gone" both women hugged.  
  
"I'll miss you you know, I take it I wont see you again?"  
  
"I'll see you when I come out"  
  
"No you wont, I've got to do his bloody shopping!" both laughed, as Alexandra headed to the wooden door at the end of the room, she turned the handle "bye Em" she waved and entered the room.  
  
The familiar room was green, with oak panelling; large book shelves lined the room, tattered copies of spells and incantations, criminals and beasts. Various unusual instruments were placed on top of oak drawers and many more inside she new. In the middle of the room was a large leather chair, the gold studs holding the fabric onto the beach frame, the ornate Japanese writing desk in front of the chair was well waxed and shined. On top of the desk a beautiful Sparrow Hawk was perched next to his master. The man stood up and approached her, he was tall, his broad shoulders showing his physical strength, he had a tanned face, his quick bright brown eyes showed no emotion, his strong jaw, and thin lips, made him look fierce. His short pitch black hair combed back neatly. He was wearing a large black coat, which only emphasised the mans strong figure.  
  
"James, I hav..." She didn't have time to finish her sentence as he grabbed her and pushed her roughly against the wall, his mouth pushed against hers, kissing her fiercely his teeth bit her lips with affection, she found herself returning his kiss, his tongue pushed into her mouth massaging hers. Their kiss depended. His hand moved up slowly from her waist towards her breast.  
  
She pushed him roughly away. "Stop it James" she panted  
  
"Stop what?" he said harshly "you weren't complaining last week" She grimaced remembering that evening, she hadn't meant to, he just, she found herself helpless against him, it wasn't that she loved him, she could never love him, at the weakest points in her life she needed someone, and as it turned out, he was the one would have her.  
  
"Your right I wasn't" at this he made his way for her again. She thrust her hand out in front of her muttering a spell under her breath, the palm of her hand glowed for a second and then a spell shot out towards him, the small blue ball forced him backwards behind the desk, into the picture behind it that sent shards of glass flying about the room, he dropped to the floor with a thud. She had only used a small amount of her power but it still sent him flying, she had always found it hard to control her strength, especially since she was used to using the full force of it.  
  
"Its always the way with you isn't it?" he spat "Sweetness and light when you want something from me! But any time the tables turn I get shunned, well" he laughed "I won't have to wait long for you to come back will I?"  
  
"I'm not coming back James I quit"  
  
"You quit do you? Come now Lex. You know fine well you wouldn't leave this job, leave me" he faked innocents. "We need you, we need our little Summoner, our little girl who can control the elements, and the one who can through me back against the wall with such ease" he said mockingly "Our little warrior" he laughed sadistically.  
  
"I'm leaving, James you can't stop me, and you know you can't. I'm sick of this, of you, of the lies, the Deaths!.." she began passionately as he cut her off.  
  
"Oh shut! No ones perfect, the ministry isn't perfect, and nor are you. Self righteous little bitch, you can't leave unless the head of aurors says you can, and who would that be? That's right Lex me!" his voice was cruel and menacing, he walked next to her and spoke gently into her ear "Your not going anywhere, are you?"  
  
"That's bollocks and you know it is, I'm leaving James, you'll have find another puppet to pull the strings on, cause you aint using me" he was silent "I hate you, do you know that? I also hate my self for being so weak! So pathetic to come to you, your not even that good to be honest" she laughed until his fist launched at her face, she felt the blow strike her cheek, she felt as his knuckles pushed into her flesh, she made a small cry of pain as she fell to the floor, the stone hit her head, she felt light headed, his foot struck into her ribs again and again, she gasped, he was strong, her mouth began to fill with blood, she felt sick, but he continued to kick her, not that it hurt her too much, but of the fact who was doing it, not some evil force but some one, some one who had confessed to loving her was trying to hurt her, to kill her. She held her hand up again "Kelasaypea" the energy charge grew stronger on her hand the longer she left it, the force of the charge began to scorch her hand, he drew out his wand in an attempt to protect himself, she raised her hand again to throw it at him, she let it go with a cry. It took him full force in the chest, it pushed him into the wall, his face was motionless, white, he fell to the floor and began to cough, blood came from his mouth, his motions were slow, he tried to stand, but his feet fell beneath him, and he slid back into the corner.  
  
She stood up holding her stomach as she did so "I hate you" with that she left.  
  
Soooooooo what do you think???? Tell me! All input would be most helpful 


	2. love, hate and owls

chapter 2!!!!! But better than first chapter(I hope) more talking, please R+R!  
  
Chapter 2: Love, Hate and Owls  
  
Still holding her stomach she walked slowly but steadily through the ministry, keeping her back straight although her muscle cried out with searing pain to do so, short sharp breaths past through her body, part of this was due to her pain, but the rest were the emotions now flowing through her, in her soul in her mind. For a person to do that to the women they loved, why? Why do that. Love and hate have each such a delicate balance that many slip gently over the edge into the other, from passionate love to hatred to thoughts of hurt and pain, where there were once only those to care. She had renounced his love before, told him it was unrequited, but he had always thought, hoped she would come to him, he was a man who did not show his emotions with ease, but when he did show them, they ruled him, and controlled his actions, his thoughts, and the one that happened to receive these emotions was her.  
  
The entrance hall was now quieter, most had gone to there offices, on errands or home. As she walked her footsteps echoed softly around the room, no one paid her much attention, those in the hall were either busy or couldn't see her through the amount of paper work strewn across their desks. She carried on, back to the small door, back to the old phone box, and down the street, the sun casting long shadows across the pavement.  
  
With a quick glance at her watch she hurried on, now towards a different part of the city, into the high streets where shoppers crowded looking for sales. She pushed pass the heaving mob as it swirled and flowed like a surging stream parting and regrouping passed the islands of newspaper sellers and of goods alike, our lady one of the torrent. She left the wide expanse into a smaller street, where, a few shops down a small post office was located. The old timber frame still remained painted a vibrant red, an old sign hung from the side of a building, swaying gently in the summer breeze, as it licked against its well varnished surface. An ordinary post office by all apparel, apart from the very important fact it lacked a door, the windows were full of grime and dust, blocking any passer bys view of what lay inside.  
  
She walked up to the old cast iron post box embedded into the wall next to the sign, glanced quickly up and down the street and, with a sudden movement forced her hand through the slot and was pulled in after it. She landed softly into a small room, wooden counters surrounded her, their surfaces well worn and shone in the dull light, shelves bulging with various artefacts, letters, parcels, old jars, scrolls, and anything else you could imagine. A small door lead off into a back room beyond the counters, the noise echoing from it rang through the room, the ghastly high pitched scream, caused her head to ache,  
  
"WILL YOU SHUT THOSE BLOODY OWLS UP!!!!"  
  
"Sorry Miss I cant hear you??" called a man in his late fifties exiting the room and slamming the door behind him "what did you say again? Owls you see, cant here a bloody thing."  
  
"I noticed, not usually that many here are there, business slow?" she began politely,  
  
"Quite on the contrary, record sales, bought more owls see." He said indicating behind him "Ministries sending god knows how many letters a day, all 'cos of you-know-who you know, trying to tell us he's not around, all lies of course me and the wife know better, as I was telling her the other day. I said to her.." She cut him off in mid sentence,  
  
"Yes, yes that's all good and well but I'm in a bit of a hurry" she said with some exasperation. The gentleman raised his eyebrows, and began to talk again  
  
"Hmmmmm, that's what everyone's like nowadays, all rush, rush, rush, no time for people like me. I might not have a high paid job but I've got just enough right to an opinion as the rest of you, as I was saying to my wife just the other day 'Young people have no...."  
  
"Really, I don't have time, I'm sure that you and your wife have 'fun' and informative conversations but honestly, could you please serve me!!!" she grumbled somewhat irritably, and leaned against the counter.  
  
"Come on then if you're in such a hurry, what do'ya want?"  
  
"I sent a parcel here 3 days ago, well more of a suitcase, along with about 3 trunks, could I please have my suitcase?"  
  
"Name?" he asked her bluntly,  
  
"Alexandra Mai Borealis" he began to rummage in a box he pulled out from a counter, found a small piece of paper and walked back into the room with the owls, and, slammed the door after him self. She began to drum her fingers mindlessly on the top of the oak counters.  
  
Five minutes later the man came back, trunks bags and all floating in front of his out stretched wand and let the fall gently down on top of the oak surface.  
  
"Which one were you after miss?" inquired the man grumpily.  
  
She picked up a tattered leather suitcase, "This one, do I have to sign anywhere?" she said with a light ironic smile.  
  
"Here" pointing to a piece of paper, and handing her a well used quill "What do you want doing to the rest of them"  
  
"Can you forward them to Hogwarts for me? You look like you've got enough owls to do it" the man raised his eyebrow, after a few moments silence; she began to speak again "How much? I would prefer if you could get them there today"  
  
"3 galleons"  
  
"You're joking. Right?"  
  
" Supply and demand, you lot demand, I supply, and you want it so bloody much ill charge what I know you'll pay" he chanted happily seeing her face change.  
  
"I'll shove your bloody money up your arse" she muttered to herself.  
  
"I'm sorry I didn't quite catch that?"  
  
"Take your damned money" she replied icily throwing down three coins onto the table, and stalked towards the highly unusual exit.  
  
* * *  
  
She took a quick look at the watch on her wrist and hurried past the crowds of Kings Cross. She finally reached the spot where she was headed, a solid brick pillar next to platform nine and ten; she felt a small thrill of excitement shoot up through her spine as she lunged forward through the wall.  
  
She stumbled forward into another platform, and in font of her a large red steam engine stood, upon the sides of its outer shell a small iron casting had the words HOGWARTS EXPRESS embedded into it.  
  
The platform was full of life, and many weeping mothers sending their children out into the big wide world. Children clambered into the carriages aided by their friends. The last of the luggage was tossed into another carriage. She stood silently watching the seen, until she was awoken by the sound of a large whistle that reverberated around the platform. She ran towards the carriage, grabbed the iron poll that was screwed into the frame of the train and pulled her self up into the carriage. Dim electric lights that buzzed and murmured hung above her head, the voices of children rang from each passage way. After a moments hesitation she stepped forward just as the powerful vessel that was the train eased its self away from the platform causing her to lose her balance until she reached out with her hand to the wooden interior of the train steadying herself before she moved on. Each of the small compartments was full with children leaning into their friends to discus animatedly about there summer 'whish id come earlier, ill swear there wasn't this many when I was here' she thought to herself as she approached another compartment where only three children sat in deep conversation with each other, this being the only room with any empty seats in the entire train she knocked and entered.  
  
"Don't suppose you'd mind if I joined you, everywhere else is full? Have the feeling there's a carriage for teachers but kinda didn't have the time to find it. I was on time as usual" she ended sarcastically.  
  
A girls bright face turned towards her, her long brown framing her small features "Who are you?"  
  
"Oh god, I'm sorry, my mother always said I had no manners. Alexandra Mai Borealis, call me Lexie...well. no.. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be called. I'm not exactly a professor, guess its Miss Borealis, god I sound so old... Just call me Lexie for now." She smiled at the puzzled expressions on all three faces but held out her hand towards the girl. "And you are?"  
  
"Hermione Granger" she answered shaking the hand offered towards her.  
  
"Ron Weasley"  
  
"Harry Potter" 'oh god' she thought to herself, she saw the looks they gave her and immediately she smiled, she didn't know what to do 'forget it' she told herself 'later'  
  
thanks for reading!!!! Lovely button in that bottom corner if you wanna use it *batters eyelashes* lol:o) 


	3. Meetings of Old and New

Chapter three!!! Please R+R I'd love to have some comments, will be adding a bit about the marauders in later chapters, back flashes I think, so that should be good, oh and please slap me if I spell any ones name wrong, my brother has nicked off with my books so I cant check the spellings grrrrrrrrrrr:o)  
  
Chapter 3; Meetings of New and Old  
  
"Can I then? Promise I'll sit in the corner and keep my mouth shut" she asked in a vague attempt at humour. All three heads turned to each in silent agreement "Thanks" she added and stepped into the small room sat down by the doorway, opened her small suitcase and started to shuffle through various parchments half heartedly, until she found a small book entitled 'Magical Teaching: The Idiots Guide' and began to leaf through the thin pages, a small frown appearing on her forehead,  
  
"Why are you reading that?" Hermione enquired indignantly  
  
"Because I'm supposed to be teaching this year and, well.... I've never done it before" she laughed "but if I go by this book I think you'll all end up hating me, it has three chapters on how to reprimand unruly children, I think the women that wrote this had issues with kids, our perhaps taught me?"  
  
"How can you be a Dark Arts teacher and not know how to teach, I take it that's the subject you'll be taking?"  
  
"Yup, well Remus did it I don't see why I can't; mind he had a lot more patients than me, he laughed at me when I told him. Nevertheless, I've had enough experience in the Dark Arts, a class full of children should be a plain sailing, I hope anyway, mind then again, I know half the parents of you lot" she smiled.  
  
"You know Remus?" Ron managed to get the question in before Harry could start,  
  
"All my life, well from when I started here at eleven, great bloke, a better man than me, more relaxed too, another reason as to why he was most probably a better teacher than I will be. Do you know him very well?" she knew the answer of course but asked anyway.  
  
"He was one of my dad's best friends, he looks after me a bit" Harry began rather quietly, he didn't exactly know why he was telling her, but she seemed to look familiar, but he couldn't quite remember.  
  
"Why are you asking? If you know Remus wouldn't you already know?" Ron questioned  
  
"Your right, I do already know, but never presume anything, for all I know there could be two Mr Potters in this school, though you do look the image of your Dad, but I think there's some of Lily in there too thank the lord, perhaps you have some of her sense?" she smiled lightly, watching this information tick over in his head and waited patiently for the inevitable question, and thought to her self how best to answer it.  
  
"You knew my parents?" he asked hesitantly  
  
"Yes" she smiled "Quiet well, I was in mostly all there classes, I was quite good friends with your mother, played Quidditche with your farther and your god farther Sirius, although James was always the better player Sirius would never have admitted to it, all to do with positions according to him. Me and Lily lived together for a while, until of course the inevitable happened, she and James moved in together, throwing out Sirius and Remus and leaving them with me until the whole Azkaban fiasco, controlling his temper as usual" she watched the saddened look in his eyes "Anyway" she began softly "That's past, have to keep our minds to the present" 'a good enough answer' she thought to her self 'not everything, but enough'  
  
The small carriage fell silent minus the noise of the train as it sped through the countryside. It was left to Hermione to start the conversation off again.  
  
"You said that you'd had a lot of experience in Defence against the Dark Arts? How come? You're not a teacher"  
  
Thankful for the conversation she began to talk "I was, until approximately two and a half hours ago an Auror, and a good one at that, but times change, as do alliances, and mine to the ministry is lost, so I'm here, as a teacher and also to help safe guard the people inside of Hogwarts like you."  
  
"I think my Dad said something about you before, how he was thankful that you'd joined the order, a good alias or something?"  
  
"Yes Mr Weasly's a good man, a good friend too although I don't get much time to catch up with anybody, need more people like him in the ministry that's for sure"  
  
"Wouldn't it be a better idea for you to stay in the ministry? You know, inform people of what's going on" Hermione started eagerly  
  
"I have been doing that for two years almost, but I can't do it anymore, for more than the simple reasons of what they are hiding, I have my reasons, plus Dumbledore said he'd be thankful for a new professor and I thought, wisely or not, that it'd be a good change, I've got lots of ideas, I thought about a defence club, similar to a duelling club, well actually a Duelling club, I thought I'd have some fun, see how many pupils I can kill off before the end of term" she laughed "Although I'll have to look for a teacher to help with all that, I'll ask Minerva, she's usually helpful, but I think I'll keep the classes for the older students, teach anyone else what they want to know in lessons. So, are my ideas any good?"  
  
"Our last duelling club didn't go so well" Hermione began tentatively.  
  
"Lockhart was an idiot" Ron muttered  
  
"Very true, never liked the man, always up his own arse, and the fact he spent two years of his life thinking I was madly in love with him" she continued smiling "fuck wit. But I assure you, I'm no idiot, I've done it all before not just talked about it, or published it in various volumes of crap second hand fact"  
  
Before the conversation could continue a black figure entered the room, and directed his wand towards Alexandra.  
  
"If you would so kindly inform me who you are?" A mans icy voice echoed around the small room.  
  
She stood up slowly, gently placing the papers that were formally on her lap onto the seat, and turned to face him, smiling gently to see if the familiar face remembered her,  
  
"You must remember me? I do you; perhaps I'm not that memorable Severus?"  
  
After a short silence he murmured "Borealis"  
  
"Precisely, though you could at least sound happy about the fact. I never did you any harm"  
  
"True, but you happen to be affiliated with certain characters I still bare grudge to, you can't blame me. I do not truly know your disposition, so I am still wary" she notice a trace of a smile pass his face "But that still does not explain your visit, care to elaborate?"  
  
"I am surprised you, of all people, are in the dark of my being here? I would presume that you would have at least asked as to who the new Defence Against the Dark arts teacher was? It is my turn to take up the cursed job it appears"  
  
"You? Such a high job to a woman who hasn't seen a days teaching in her life? To the one who practically traumatised various teachers in the past? I can't see Dumbledore's sense in the matter" he spat  
  
"I have never traumatised a teacher in my entire life, I would accept, hurt, upset, pissed off, sectioned, and turning into various animals, but traumatised? Never!" she smiled wryly  
  
"Hmm, I'm sure" he said doubtingly.  
  
"And as to teaching? Your right I haven't taught, but I'm willing to give it ago. I'll ask them what they want to do, what they feel would help, at these times Snape, nothing is as it should be, everything is changing, just as it did before and if you don't remember I had to see what happened to people who were unprepared"  
  
Harry began to feel a growing respect for this woman, she acted like she was an idiot to be frank, but she had something about her, she thought about things, what she had just said made sense to him, it was what he believed, what he knew people wanted to know.  
  
"But" she began "I would be most indebted if you would show my where I'm supposed to be sitting, I feel I have intruded too much on your hospitality" she said eyeing all three as they sat in their seats,  
  
"Gladly" he answered her with as much sarcasm that he could muster, but inclined his head towards the door, showing her to come with him.  
  
"I'll see you later then" she smiled and began to make her way to the door.  
  
"Bye" all three chorused behind her.  
  
Short I know, but the next one will be longer, any how, I ask of you again please R=R even to say you've read it I don't care!!!! Please :o) 


	4. Bitter Memories

Firstly, thank you so much for reviewing me!!! You don't know how much I love you right now, my work's been read!!! But anyone else fancy reading please, please review, it means so much to me.  
  
Ps, all past stuff has (memories) in front of it, cos I can't use italics, we'll you get the jist, lol Pps, sorry it's a bit short, lol  
  
Chapter 4: Bitter Memories  
  
She followed the dark figure down the small hallway, her hand resting against the wall for support as the train lurched beneath her.  
  
"How are you then?" she begin  
  
"I'm fine. As well as can be expected under the circumstances" he answered her but did not turn around  
  
"He still calls you doesn't he?" he fell silent "I can't imagine what it must be like, but I am proud for you that you are able to resist it so well a lesser man would've crumbled by now"  
  
"I guess I can thank your dear friends for my endurance, but perhaps I whish I could just crumble" he turned and faced her, his eyes were intense, his lips tightened. His figure, though small commanded a certain presence as he stood inches away from her, a trait of his dark past she thought to herself  
  
"You know that's not true, you have much to live for. To fight for to be true. And don't mope, past is past, think of the present"  
  
"Never understood how you could make so light of the past, by all rights you should be a paranoid psychopath"  
  
"No, just a narcissist"  
  
(memory)  
His hand struck her face again. She hit the cold floor beneath, tears filled in her eyes as she coughed and tried to stand up only to receive another blow in the face.  
  
"Stop it, please leave me alone" she whispered meekly,  
  
"And why would I do that" he spat in her face "Do not disobey me girl!"  
  
"I won't do it!!! Just leave me be, please farther"  
  
"I only ask my daughter of one thing, and what do I get? A refusal? It is your duty, and not to mention my honour at stake." He bent to down close to the small body that lay on the floor huddled in a corner as she tried to protect herself against any more blows that were to come to her. His cold hand gripped her face and directed it towards his cold eyes. Tears fell from her eyes as his nails dug into her skin, suppressing a scream she diverted he eyes across the room, only for his nails to dig further into her skin "Look at me while I'm talking to you child" she hesitantly returned her eyes to her father's face, his eyes bored into her own "Tell me that you'll accept"  
  
"I can't" she answered him softly, trying to hold in her tears. She felt his hand across her face, the force of it sent the back of her head into the wall. She felt the warm liquid exit her skull as her brown hair turned a deep crimson from the blood that made its way slowly coursing down her gentle ringlets.  
  
"You will marry him Alexandra Mai" he gripped her face tightly "Either that or you are no longer my daughter"  
  
"I'm eleven years old farther, please don't do this" she pleaded with him.  
  
"Yes or no? It's simple enough question"  
  
Thoughts ran through her head, she couldn't do this, she wouldn't, but where could she go, this was her home.  
  
"No"  
  
silence, all she could hear was her staggered breath, the rain that fell on the large wooden roof, as the small drops hit the hard surface, and joined its brothers and sisters as they made there way into the gutter and out through the decorative water spout and onto the earth beneath.  
  
"If you will not agree to it, then we shall have to make you agree" he stood and left her room, leaving her alone.  
  
'Dear lord' were the only words she could think of, her heart raced in her chest. The argument had lasted weeks, as a child she had accepted the fact, her fate, her husband, but to a girl now not so naïve as to what the marriage would entail, especially to a man twice her age, twenty two, the words echoed through her mind and brought bile to her throat, it wasn't right, at first her mother had fought for her daughter, but as her body became weak, and bruised in front of her daughters eyes she had asked her to stop, and consequently the frustrated blows of her fathers fist came to her.  
  
She dragged her limp body to her bed and silently cried herself to sleep  
  
(normal) She walked into the carriage he directed her too, and smiled at the sight of many familiar faces, though aged they still filled her with a sense of belonging, of warmth that she had once craved for. Minerva's familiar face lit up upon seeing her,  
  
"I missed you" she embraced her friend,  
  
"I'm glad you came"  
  
The rest of the journey passed away filled with idle talk 'What had she done?' 'How was she?' she had missed all this, it caused her to think of how different her life could have been. She was going home.  
  
In the distance the large turrets and spires greeted her eyes, the stark straight lines dominated the scenery, as the forest bent and gave way to the wild wind as it was caught and drawn through the valley those walls did not bend to it they stood tall a sense of well being ran through her spine. The outskirts of the village of Hogsmead and its familiar scenery ran quickly past her window, 'memories' she thought quietly to her self 'it all seems as if it was only a day ago that I came here'  
  
(memory)  
She was still half asleep in her bed as she heard the door open, the first thought in her mind was that it was a servant, sent to try and drag her out of bed in time for her lessons. She froze as she felt a hand gently make its way up her body towards her face, stroking it gently, she couldn't move, her heart beat faster and faster, she shut her eyes tightly, praying that he would go away.  
  
"Wake up" his smooth voice entered her ear, seeing that she did not rise he bent over towards her ear, she felt his lips brush her skin "Wake up" he murmured.  
  
She bit her lip 'go away' she pleaded in her mind 'please', she felt his hand begin to delve into her blankets, at this she throw herself out of bed and turned to face him, her face was of pure horror, she was scared, she needed help.  
  
"Awake now are we?" he chuckled as he sprawled himself on her bed and patted the space next to him "Come"  
  
"No, leave me Jin, please" she backed away towards the wall as the man sat up upon the bed.  
  
"Leave? Why would I do that? Lexie my dear, come and sit" his bright green eyes stared at her, he was handsome, her farther had told her many times that she was lucky to have him, his deep brown hair and lightly tanned skin, his muscle well developed through years of training in the Arts.  
  
"Please Jin, I am not your wife, I am not anything to you, I will never be anything to you, just go, you already have my answer" her voice slowly gaining strength,  
  
"But your answer dissatisfies me, and I would like to hear the more pleasurable one. Think of what you could have with me? I could give you everything you want in a husband; I could give you a family. We could make a family" he grinned at her "I would be gentle you know"  
  
She couldn't believe what he was saying to her, 'how old does he think I am?' She felt sick, and ran towards her bathroom flung the door shut and emptied her stomach into the toilet. The tears began to well up in her eyes 'I can't do this anymore, I can't!!' she sat there for ten minutes praying that he'd be gone from her room.  
  
She walked back in; he was still there upon her bed "Leave now Jin, before I do something I'll regret"  
  
"Coming towards the idea are we?" he stood up and stroked her face.  
  
"Just leave me" she cried at the touch of his hand against her face.  
  
He looked at her with disgust "You'll have to learn to get used to the idea, when I'm your husband you won't have a choice" he muttered to her cruelly.  
  
As the door closed she gave way to all the tears she had kept inside, and collapsed on the floor.  
  
Told you it was short, we'll its nearly Christmas not too much time for writing, thank you again for reading and please, please tell me what you thought, the magic lil button in the bottom corner, go on, you know you want too, lol:o) 


	5. Ruby in Wood

memories are still pointed out eg, (memory) (end of memory) lol, If anyone can tell me how the hell I can get italics I will love you forever, please, please tell me!!!  
  
Chapter 5  
  
The great hall was just as she remembered it, the ancient walls that seemed to pulse with the power this great building held, its gothic arches giving it an air of mysticism the she loved, her whole body tingled with excitement as she stepped under its enchanted ceiling, she looked up to see the stars that shone from above and the clouds that dragged themselves lazily across the moonlight nights sky.  
  
Awoken from her dream as she saw the tall figure in front of her. His long beard and piercing blue eyes. The man who had given her hope.  
  
"I've missed you" was all she could say, all she could think to say  
  
"Likewise my dear Alexandra, I hope you did not have too much difficulty escaping the ministry?"  
  
"A little, but nothing that I couldn't handle, you know what he's like" she found herself incapable of holding his gaze as she finished her sentence.  
  
"I'm sure" he answered "Let us be seated before they arrive then" he said directing her to a seat beside Serverus upon the dais.  
  
As if all at once a thousand different voices played upon her ears, the hall that had seemed dead to it was suddenly infused with life as the great doors swung open to reveal a wave of children of all shapes, ages, sizes and race's. A smile past her face, it was a bit daunting seeing it from the other angle, added to the fact she felt like a complete idiot sat their above everyone else, as well as that she felt lonely, she was usually sat surrounded by all those she cared for, and they were either dead now or on the run, or god knows where, she missed them, it had been six years ago that she had last seen Remus, and the others so long that she had almost forgotten what they looked like 'Why do memories have to fade?' she sighed inwardly. And cast her eyes upon the line of first years, some looked completely traumatised, clearly the ones who had elder siblings and had caused them to lose their sanity through the tales they had told them about the sorting.  
  
"Ladies and Gentlemen, may I please have your attention for the sorting" Dumbledore raised his voice above the chatter from beneath him as the old stool and hat were brought in front of them. The sorting began.  
  
**********  
  
(memory)"Concentrate Lexie" her grandmother's voice sounded somewhat exasperated by now.  
  
"I CAN'T do it, it's too hard. What's the point anyway?!"  
  
"The point would be that you're a Summoner who can't summon her staff to do any real summons with!! You need to be able to do this Alexandra, I know it's hard, but you need to be able to." Her grandmother hug her tightly to stop the tears from leaving her granddaughters eyes "now, remember let your mind go blank, let it come to you, just relax"  
  
She complied and sat there on the floor cross legged and placed her hands out in front of her. Small beads of white light began to float across her palms, more and more appeared and began to move purposefully forming a long glowing line in front of her that seethed with magic and power.  
  
"Good girl. Now, try and make it take form, try and imagine it in your mind, can you see it? Its shape colour, texture"  
  
Turning her mind to the picture of it that danced across her eyelids and sighing, she continued the incantation. The long white engraved wooden shaft, the way it curved outwards into three separate branches that went out and curved back round to join together forming a small oval cage where a deep red stone nested. At the centre of the shaft a crimson and gold fabric was wrapped gently around. It was simple, but beautiful; it was what she had always wanted to hold.  
  
Completely lost in her thought she felt her grandmother shake her gently opening her eyes she saw the exquisite object before her. She let her finger trace the engraved Celtic design that ran across the wood.  
  
"It's even more beautiful in the flesh" she murmured.  
  
"Is this what you wanted?"  
  
"Yes" she sounded dreamy as she answered  
  
"It is a fine staff, you shall still have to practise making it come to you, you did take your time, and time is something you don't have on a battle field."  
  
"Come on grandmother, you know I'll never see a battle field, I'm to be married" she sighed, how could she stop it from happening.  
  
"Or not" she looked up at her face.  
  
"Explain!" she smiled eagerly.  
  
"I'm not sure yet my child, but, I don't want you to marry him, your farther is too rash, give me time and I shall try to sort you out a better future, if you are happy to leave here?"  
  
"My only regret would be leaving you"  
  
Her grandmother laughed "You are very wise for your age, and to that I commend you, but I shall keep in contact with you if you went"  
  
"Went where?!"  
  
"Just don't get married yet, patients is, after all, a virtue." (end of memory)  
  
The feast was now ending; the weary children walked out of the hall, friends chattering with enthusiasm, others barely able to keep their eyes open.  
  
"Alexandra?" Dumbledore's soft voice awoke her from her day dreams.  
  
"Yes?" she smiled tiredly  
  
"Perhaps you should go to bed? Your in the red room, I have no doubt that you know where the teachers corridor is" he smiled at her knowingly "The pass word is 'marmalade'. I'll see you in the morning."  
  
Making her way up the spiral staircase up into the corridor she stood to face a portrait of a young maiden, flowers strewn through her hair and at her feet, angelic wings came from her back, she smiled serenely.  
  
"Evening Angelicas."  
  
"Evening, Nick said he thought you were coming, you haven't aged much, can still tell who you are, anyway, password?"  
  
"Oh feck, damn it why can't I remember anything? Ermm, marmite? No, that's not it, Marmaduke?"  
  
"Nope"  
  
"Marmalade!"  
  
"Give the girl a medal!" The painting swung open into a brightly lit corridor.  
  
"Red door" she muttered to herself stopping in front of it and placed her hand upon the door knob and was ready to enter before she heard voices laughing. 'It was a red door wasn't it?' she questioned herself. She called her staff into her hand and barged in.  
  
"What the bloody hell?!" her eyes shot open, now fully awake.  
  
Oh oh, cliff-hanger, lol, again please review!!! And please, will some one tell me how to get italics on here!! Very frustrating :o) 


	6. older but unmistakeable

Memories are pointed out!!! Enjoy!  
  
Two tall figures rose to greet her, both dressed in dark travelling clothes. A blond haired man walked towards her and embraced her. They were older, but unmistakeable to her eyes.  
  
"Remus" she managed to get out before burying her face into his shoulder. "God I've missed you" she said pulling away from him.  
  
"You too Lexie, it's been a while." He said quietly  
  
"A while? I wouldn't call nearly six years awhile." She hugged him again "You could've at least wrote to me more often than you did"  
  
"It's not as if you replied on a regular basis" he smiled at her.  
  
"Not my fault, jobs fault" she smiled back  
  
She walked towards the other man in her room, his dark hair cut just above his shoulders roughly. He still wore the same stupid grin.  
  
"Lexie!" he said happily opening his arms.  
  
"I won't even get started with you! What are you? Retarded? Bloody idiot." She crossed her arms and stared at him.  
  
"I resent being called retarded"  
  
"Why? Truth hurt?"  
  
"Oh that cutting wit! I see you still haven't lost it"  
  
"Where pray, was a being witty?"  
  
"Ha, ha, ha, oh so funny my darling, would you please get a nurse I think my sides are splitting" he cocked his eyebrow at her and clutched his sides.  
  
"Sarcasms the lowest for of wit you know"  
  
"Oh don't knock it; you're the one who seems to love it so very much!"  
  
"Nice to see things don't change" Remus broke in and sat on the couch, but his comment seemed to go unnoticed.  
  
"Yes but I use it with class and style" she said wafting her hand in the air with a false sense of dignity.  
  
"Oh that must've been sarcasm again! Because the day you have 'class and style' may well be the day I die"  
  
"That can be arranged"  
  
"Ah, yes, you of course have contacts now, how many people have you and your little friends took out now?"  
  
"Below the belt Sirius" Remus commented as he continued to lounge on the sofa.  
  
"At least I've had a job for the past decade and a half, unlike some" she said slyly.  
  
"Harsh Alexandra" Sirius smiled weakly and turned to Remus "I have been in Azkaban for god only knows how long and I don't even get a hug Remus! I think I'm in a state of shock" he said quickly attempting to avoid a full blown argument.  
  
"You really want a hug?" she laughed at him  
  
"Would be nice" she let herself be taken in his arms and rested her head against his chest, the sound of his heart beating gently filling her ears. She felt him bury his head into her hair and sigh deeply, his arms increasing their grip and pulling her closer to him. "I have missed you, honestly" he said softly into her hair.  
  
"Me too. Could've at least bloody wrote once in a while" she said sighing  
  
"Aha, and watch as someone in your beloved ministry intercepts it?"  
  
"Perhaps. Could've sent it through him" she inclined her head towards the sofa.  
  
"Oh, so I've been noticed now?" Remus said casually.  
  
Releasing herself from Sirius' grasp she made her way to sit next to him.  
  
"Perhaps what I would write to you would be unfit for our beloved's eyes?" Sirius began, shoving her into the middle of the couch and making himself comfortable.  
  
"And what exactly would you intend to write? Or should I even ask, sick child" she laughed  
  
"Sick! me? No, I much prefer perverted." He grinned at her.  
  
"I think maybe now I'm thankful you didn't write, don't get me wrong, the rantings of a sex starved runaway would be just my cup of tea, but I doubt Remus would approve."  
  
"Can you two produce any more sarcasm?" Remus moaned  
  
"Us, sarcastic?" they both said together.  
  
"Clearly you can"  
  
"How and why are you two here any way, don't mean to be rude and all but wasn't exactly expected?" She questioned seriously  
  
"Well I'm here of my own free will, pretty much any way, but he's been made to come, apparently he's a risk, very amusing I'm sure you'll agree" Remus smiled at her lightly.  
  
"You're staying here?" she asked eagerly  
  
"We'll he is, I'm off soon, business and all that. I'm sure you'll like being here Sirius, not my fault 'you're a risk'" he tormented his friend  
  
Sirius' face became dark. "Oh Sirius don't sulk, you're not THAT much of a risk, sure you have you're moments, and look on the bright side!" she said placing her hand on his arm affectionately.  
  
"And what would that be?" he sighed  
  
"Me, we'll I could be a bright side, or a shear annoyance, I don't know, you've got more space here, for what I don't know, please Siri be happy." She finished earnestly. He turned to face her eyes, he always remembered how clear they were, most people would call grey eyes unemotional, but hers, they were always alive, bright, beautiful. He found himself smiling idly at her.  
  
As he turned to face her she saw those warm brown eyes, those eyes that had enchanted half the population of the school, the eyes of a player she thought quietly, but he was her closet and oldest friend, though she would never admit it, he made her feel safe, he had always been there, never judged her just because of what she was.  
  
"Yes" he smiled "You are a reason to be happy. Though, I had more room at home" he laughed  
  
Shaking her head to get rid of his intense stare "All you need is magic, can have all the room you want with that my dear"  
  
"Slight problem, that being the lack of a wand" he made flicks through the air with his hand.  
  
"And where do you think that wand is?" she questioned him mischievously  
  
"Snapped into a thousand pieces and scattered across death, or thereabouts" he said laughingly.  
  
"Or maybe not"  
  
She stood up and began to raid through the boxes on the floor.  
  
(memory)"Just trust me my love" her grandmother whispered to her urgently. "I'll come for you at nine, which should give us enough time"  
  
"But I don't understand. I don't see how I can!" Alexandra whispered back  
  
"It's all been agreed, just trust me"  
  
"I just."  
  
"Alexandra Mai, believe me. Now go, before you're late for dinner"  
  
She hurried along the open corridors, the last of the summer light fading fast in the distance, the wood echoing under her bare feet, she quickly turned the corner into the dinning room. The powerful wood beans that ran across the ceiling elegantly carved. Small balls of fire hung in the air, their light reflected in the highly polished surface of the table that ran down the room, her farther and brothers were already seated, waiting for her, as was Jin, smiling smugly at her, her stomach began to turn but she walked and took her place by her brother, Jin staring at her from the opposite end of the table.  
  
"Why were you late?" he farther questioned  
  
"I was talking to grandmother" she answered him simply  
  
"You knew you had dinner, why did you not excuse yourself?"  
  
"I wasn't aware of the time farther, I swear"  
  
"I do not take kindly to liars Alexandra"  
  
"I'm not lying, I mean it" she turned to face him, his eyes boring into her, his face becoming red as he stood and placed his hands upon the table.  
  
"I will ask you one last time Alexandra Mai"  
  
"But I'm telling the truth farther, you can ask."  
  
"LIES! I will not tolerate a disobedient daughter, you shall be punished for you're lies my child, don't you worry about that"  
  
She began to shake in her chair, why did he have to be like this, she could understand now why her mother had left, she only whished that she might have taken her too. She couldn't eat; she sat there throughout the meal dreading what her farther would do to her.  
  
"Room Alexandra" he stood up and she followed after him.  
  
She walked into her room, her farther seemingly disappearing from sight until she heard the door close behind her. He grabbed her long hair and pulled her into him, pulling down on her hair causing her neck to bend and ache.  
  
He bent down ad brought his mouth close to her ear "Apologise to you're farther" he whispered hatefully into her ears pulling her hair harder until tears of pain appeared in her eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry farther" she cried out, going for the easy option, she wouldn't play games tonight; she didn't need to be hurt like this.  
  
"I don't believe you" he whispered again and through her across the room until she slammed against the wooden walls, she cried out as she felt the hard wood ramming against her back. He crouched down in front of her and took her face in his hand digging his fingers into her skin and watching the tears that formed and fell out of her eyes "APOLOGISE!" he shouted in her face.  
  
"I'm sorry" she chocked out. He released the hold on her face.  
  
"Better" he murmured before striking her across the face "That'll remind you not to do it again.(end of memory)  
  
PLEASE review!!! Just so you know, I'm on my knees begging you! Tell me what I'm doing wrong, or if I'm lucky, right, pretty please! :o) 


	7. a red sofa

Chapter 7  
  
"Lex what are you doing?" Sirius bent down on the floor next to her.  
  
"I'm on a hunt." She replied simply  
  
"I always wondered why you insist upon talking like a child?"  
  
"Because sometimes life is better to be viewed simply" she turned to face him "Treasure the small things in life"  
  
"If you keep watch upon the small things in life then what happens if something big creeps up behind you?"  
  
"Bigger things are always more predictable"  
  
"And that means?"  
  
"When they do creep up, you can kick them down" she smiled and continued her hunt.  
  
"You have a very strange philosophy upon life"  
  
"Or just different"  
  
"No, defiantly strange"  
  
"Be quiet or you won't get you're toy" she continued her searching, moving on to the next case.  
  
"Toy? Is it something we can share?" he grinned at her.  
  
"As I said, be quiet." She pulled out a long cylindrical tube from the case "There" she placed it in his hands.  
  
"Oh please let this be what my mind thinks it is!"  
  
"Other things NOT so pervert come in tubes"  
  
He opened the small tube and let a long piece of wood fall into his hands "How did you..."  
  
"Get it? People tend to leave stuff lying around" she smiled.  
  
"People don't leave convicts wands on the floor Lexie"  
  
"Yes they keep them in a chamber in the depths of the ministry under spell and key guarded by two Auror's and some very clever charms to prevent unwanted hands. Not smashed up in death"  
  
"But why?"  
  
"Because I knew it wasn't you, and I didn't want it to end up incinerated like it would have been. It's yours, not that I'd particularly know but apparently you're firsts always the best"  
  
"Like many things in life" he spoke to her softly.  
  
"I take it James didn't know about that" Remus sat down next to them.  
  
"James? Not our James?" Sirius turned to face her, his eyes blazing  
  
"No, I suppose you could call him my James" she looked down and started to play with her laces 'why do I feel like thirteen year old right know?' she thought to herself.  
  
"Think I might have put my foot in it there. And with that, I better be going" he stood up and brushed his blond hair back with his hand.  
  
"So soon?" she stood up and hugged him tightly.  
  
"Yes so soon, I'll come back in a couple weeks. And I will write to you more often this time, if I have you're word you'll return them?"  
  
"You have my word" she giggled  
  
"Goodbye Sirius"  
  
"Bye Remus" he smiled slightly as he watched him walk out the door.  
  
The room fell silent; it was the first time she'd had to take in her surroundings. The red wallpapered walls and soft carpeted floor, the black rote iron candelabra the tall oak bookcases and desk, two red couches forming a small L shape in the corner of the room next to the high gothic arched windows and a small door leading into where she presumed was her bedroom. Her eyes then fell on the domineering figure before her, she didn't know what to say, she didn't know why he was so annoyed that she'd had a boyfriend, significant other or whatever James had been to her, she looked away from his stare.  
  
"So who was this James then?" he asked stepping closer to her. Her heart began to beat faster,  
  
"He was..... Is, the head of the Auror's. And I went out with him" she said simply her eyes now focused upon his face watching for a reaction.  
  
"You slept with the person who through me in there for practically half my life?" he didn't shout, if anything she wanted him to be angry with her rather than the passiveness he had now "I think the term 'sleeping with the enemy' would apply right now"  
  
"Sirius, it wasn't like that....." she began to explain before he cut her off  
  
"What was it like then?" he was struggling to control his voice  
  
She felt the tears in her eyes, she didn't know what it had been, all she wanted to do was cry and she didn't know why. She began to look anywhere in the room except at him, she felt disappoint with herself. She heard him move closer to her his hand held her face causing her to flinch, she shouted inwardly at herself, 'he's not my farther, he wont hurt you'. He gently directed her face to his, his brow furrowed as he watched her silently, the tears that were now falling down her face caused any anger he had to fade away as he wiped them tenderly away with his other hand "I don't know what it was! I just.... Sirius I don't know" she let out and began to cry, she felt his arms move away from her face as they pulled her into him holding her against him.  
  
He let his hands run up and down her back soothingly until her breathing began to slow then letting his hand linger in her hair entwining his fingers in its wavy texture. He led her towards the sofa and sat her next to him, her head resting against his shoulder. He gently wrapped an arm around her holding her closer to him  
  
"What happened?" he began almost hesitantly  
  
"It doesn't matter" she attempted to smile at him  
  
"It does, Lexie, please tell me" she fell quiet in his arms "Alexandra, come on, tell"  
  
"Same old sad story, the mentally abused child has relationship issues and inevitably goes for the bloke that's gonna beat her up. Why? I whish I knew, but it appears a part of me enjoys going out for lunch sleeping over and coming back home with a black eye, and unlike any sane person repeats the process with the same twat the next week.. Such a charming tale isn't it?"  
  
"Lex, do I have to hit you? Why do you do this to yourself?!" he stopped and let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding and bit his lip in an attempt to calm himself down "If I ever see this bloke I'm gonna fucking kill him"  
  
"Why? It's my fault anyway"  
  
"It's not you're fault! How could it be?" he brought her face to his eyes.  
  
"Because over the years of being abused by a farther you start getting the idea into you're head that the more a man loves you the more he hits you. To me it's the way men show emotions good or bad, I'm fucked up Sirius, I can't deny it and neither can you." She stayed quite for a while resting her head against his steady form "This is a bit deep for us isn't it?"  
  
"Hmm, I hate what he put you through; I don't know why you went back for two years when we were little, over the summer"  
  
"I was too afraid to tell anyone, even Lilly, I'm glad I did in the end, staying on with Lily over the summer was by far better than being hit slapped and anything else he pretty much fancied." She looked up at him "But we both know a lot about abusive parents I guess"  
  
"Yes but you were just a little girl, I mean...."  
  
"Sexist"  
  
He laughed at her "Just stating the facts, you were little and a push over"  
  
"Heck I was taller than you for a year"  
  
"You whish"  
  
"I don't have to whish cos it's true" she jabbed her elbow in his sides.  
  
(memory)She ran about her room, gathering items of all shapes and forms as the hands on her bedside clock landed upon eight forty five. The already over flowing bag was stuffed with clothes and anything else she possessed, her wardrobe was now a bare shell, her drawers and dressers were left in the same state, she was eventually moving out, away from all this, away from her living hell, away from her life, and to be honest she was more than a little scared.  
  
Throwing her bag over her shoulder and grasping a small case she walked over to her dresser, lifting up the jade and silver pendent that lay upon it, her mothers, than only thing that she left behind.  
  
"I whish you could've taken me too" she spoke softly to the oval shape in the palm of her hand. She silently closed her door and exited out of the long building, glancing around at the trees that stood tall the withered husks wet in the morning due(end of memory)  
  
"Thank you, again" Sirius sighed into the silent room  
  
"What for?" she turned to him puzzled  
  
"My wand you idiot"  
  
"Oh" she felt him warm beside her, his gentle breathing, it seemed as though nothing had changed, but it had everything was different now; they were older, wiser apparently.  
  
"Why is this so awkward? I.... I, god I don't know what I even want to say" his face was so close to hers now  
  
"I don't know why cant life just stay the same?" she smiled wryly  
  
"I think I would prefer it if people didn't change" a shock of realisation hit her  
  
"That's why its different isn't it? Ugh!" she hit the soft fabric of the couch with her hand in exasperation  
  
"Hey it's not that bad"  
  
"I think I should have frozen my life at eighteen"  
  
"And why eighteen?"  
  
"It was a good year! Finishing school, living together, practically anyway, life was great, course then it went down hill"  
  
"So you liked living with me then?"  
  
"By some miracle yes I did, and I think I was happier, funnier and I had never heard of James!! The other one" she laughed but the tears came again and she felt those arms around her yet again  
  
"Hush" he moaned into her hair burying his face into her neck, his deep voice sending shivers down her spine her stomach felt light, butterflies she thought to herself, she had needed him for so long to comfort her and now she had him she wanted to offload all the troubles she had carried for so long onto him, he was stronger than her "You know my dear Alexandra" he sighed again his breath tickling her neck "I don't think we have changed. All that much any way" he wanted to comfort her, take the pain away, he needed to, he needed her.  
  
He gently brushed his lips against her neck, testing her reactions to him, she didn't flinch, he pushed his lips roughly to her she let out a small groan as he began to kiss her neck running his tongue across her bare flesh biting her skin, he moved his way up to her face stopping to look into her hazy eyes biting her bottom lip with her teeth. He cupped her face with his hand as he sat up and leaned slowly towards her, he watched as her eyes fluttered shut, he gently traced his thumb across her lips before encapsulating them in his own.  
  
She felt his warm lips against hers, he was so tender, it felt so different, her heart raced, until she froze as a warm moist object traced her lips pushing against them she didn't hesitate as she opened her mouth as his tongue entered her swiftly his hot flesh searching her own, massaging her, compulsively groaning under him as he pushed his body firmly against hers thrilling her. She lifted her arms from his waste and entangled them in his long hair, pulling his face closer.  
  
He let his hands run down her shirt slowly undoing the buttons as he moved his head to continue his assault upon her neck, biting her roughly.  
  
"Sirius" she gasped "Sirius, I can't do this" he backed away from her, looking into her eyes  
  
"I'm sorry" he spoke to her earnestly "I couldn't.... I'm sorry I shouldn't have, damn it!" he moved away from her breathless, his mind racing "No" he turned to face her "I'm not sorry! I want you Lexie, I know relationships are hard for you, but you don't understand I, I just, I don't know!" he stood up and paced towards the window pulling it open to let the cool night air caress his hot skin. A tentative hand rested upon his shoulder  
  
"Sirius? I'm sorry" he fell silent  
  
"Any one else getting a severe sense of de ja vous here?"  
  
"It's not the first time I know, but I do love you Sirius"  
  
"I know. It's just not the love I want from you, I want everything from you, and I want you take it from me, because I do love you, but not the way a friend loves another friend. Good night Alexandra"  
  
"Sirius don't go"  
  
"I'll see you tomorrow" with that he crossed the room and left. The wind from the window lifted her hair tugging at it gently; the pale moon light lit up her light skin and the small silver lines that ran a course down her cheeks.  
  
(memory) "Grandmother?" he voice was tentative as she stood waiting as the sun lit the sky in shades of green and blue delicate white clouds that were swept up and carried by the scented breeze sending the charging across morning sky.  
  
"Alexandra, my dear take my hand" she complied without questioning. She felt the wind begin to rush faster about here ears, the ground beneath her disappear closing her eyes in fear, a second later she felt the ground again and light that hit her eyes, steam, voices, she opened her eyes gradually and took in the sight before her. A long platform stretched out in front of her, children clambered into carriages, steam from the large red engine before her rose up into the iron rafters of the station, a line of parents whished their children off as they entered the iron beast.  
  
"Where are we?" she said slowly  
  
"We are at platform 9¾ and you are going off to Hogworts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry."  
  
"But I'm not a witch!"  
  
"That doesn't matter, you can learn all the skills you need here, and keep you away from your farther for most of the year and any prospect of marriage!"  
  
"I still don't understand"  
  
"The headmaster has said you can go, you can do anything any one of these witches and wizards can do, and he owed me a favour. Please Alexandra, you will meet new friends and I will come and visit when I can..."  
  
"What if I don't fit in!"  
  
"Then make it so you fit in, put yourself forward go talk to someone, I'll make sure your farther stays away as well as Jin. I must be going, I love you Alexandra" she bent down next to the face of her young grandchild "Don't worry, trust me this life will be better for you"  
  
"But I'm scared"  
  
"Just trust me" she hugged her affectionately "Good bye" with that she disappeared. She stood in the station all alone, nervously looking around.  
  
A black haired boy stood in front of her grinning idly.  
  
"Hi!" he said cheerfully "I'm Sirius Black" he held out his hand for her.  
  
"Alexandra Mai Borealis, but my friends call me Lexie" 


End file.
